A fork among spoons

Being an extravert on my race feels like a fork trying to eat soup. I’m trying so hard to do the same thing the spoons are doing, but I am getting very frustrating results.

My team is made up of 6 introverts and 2 extroverts.

My personality tests SCREAM extrovert with my enneagram being a 7 and my Myers Briggs being an ENFP. I know those titles don’t mean much to most people, but to my community they tell them that I just love people.

That’s why I came on the race, I wanted to be around people all the time all over the world! Which is great! Until days like this past Sunday come along. No one wants to leave the house, we are encouraged to rest and reset for the week ahead! The Bible is so clear about the 6 days of work and the 1 day of rest. What the Bible doesn’t mention is that rest comes in all forms. My preferred form of rest is being with people, but we are all doing our own thing. For example, going to a coffee shop! We sit near each other but we stay mostly in silence. That fills me up! Or doing some sort of activity! That fills me up as well. Isolation, silence, no one around. That’s draining for me. It pains me. It’s something I wish I could do so badly, I wish it was easy. But I’m a fork trying to eat their soup of alone time. I spent a full hour alone and in silence. No phone, journal, Bible, music, art. Nothing but me and me. And it drained me. I tried praying, but knowing that I couldn’t just get up and go see someone was so difficult for me. Don’t get it twisted, I am capable of praying to our Lord without being with all my friends, but it’s the comfort of knowing that they’ll be there waiting for me when I’m done. This time when I finished my hour of isolation and silence, I found out that nearly everyone I live with had gone out to my favorite restaurant. I was devastated. I tried explaining to my friend ( who feels so filled up and rested by alone time ) that I would do anything to be with the group. I love groups. But unfortunately my friends don’t all love groups as much as I do. It’s a hard reality.

Before the race I never experienced the reality of being able to choose if you want to be with people or not. Everyone was always with people ! Going to a large school, 6 classes with different people in each. Followed by a sports practice of 20 new people. Ending the night going to a sports game with stances full of people! I was constantly with people. I loved it.

I guess I assumed the race would be like that too, considering we have a squad of 50 and my team has 8. But that’s not the case. The reality is if my team had to choose most of them would rather be alone during their free periods than with a group.

This weekend 2 teams joined my team & the boys team we live with in an all day adventure of visiting a historic temple, a brunch, and then a day at the pool. I was thriving. It will go down as one of my favorite days on the whole race! All though only 3 people from my team joined this excursion.

I guess I’m learning a lot about how different people are, how differently we all get filled and feel rest.

Within all of this I firmly believe that Jesus Christ and our God are sustainers. God will keep me afloat in my alone time and my group time. That I am never alone. The Holy Spirit is in me always and that’s the truth. On top of that I am human living in a fallen world. I don’t believe God made me wrong when he designed me as an extrovert. We need people like me in the world, since I love people and being around them so much I carry the gift of being able to keep conversations going, the gift of making a group laugh and feel light, the gift of spontaneity and always being willing to go do something.

My favorite things to do in life all include crowds or groups of people. Concerts, summer camp, youth groups, party’s ( gathering for a specific reason like Christmas, new years, or a birthday ) and serving the community.

Ministry in Cambodia

We are teaching English at a school that is Christan based, but doesn’t teach the gospel. I volunteered to be a TA for the computer lab because I am not half bad at technology. What I didn’t realize is that their work is all independent on their computers, so I can’t help them much. They have various assignments on Microsoft word, excel, power point, and photo shop. The only time I am useful is when a student can’t find a button on their key board, or show them how to correctly space their paragraphs ( the tab button not hitting space 5 times ). So for 4 hours total ( 3 being in a row) I sit in an uncomfortable red chair in front of the class waiting for a student to ask me for help.

The benefits to this super uncomfortable situation is I have built in time to read my Bible. I decided a little bit ago to start my journey through the Old Testament and if I stay on track to finish that by the end of February, I will have read the entire Bible in 6 months!

For my ministry situation I made the most of my circumstance, but when it comes to sitting at home on a Sunday, I am still struggling.

I guess I just came to write this blog saying I love people. I want there to be less strangers and more people I know. And even though it can be tricky, I am an extravert.

Prayer requests:

⁃ my family to know Jesus

⁃ I find new ways to press into the discomfort of isolation and silence

⁃ My team grows in our friendships for each other

⁃ The students at my school will want to know God in a new ( non Buddhist) way

⁃ I am able to feel peace about my future